#56 - ParentingMontana.org: Building Strong Families Together Mackenzie Jones: Thank you for joining us for this episode of talking health in the 406 where we are one community under the Big Sky I'm your host McKenzie Jones the program manager of the DPHHS Montana disability and health program which supports the health and Wellness of the disability community through positive community change and inclusive health resources. Speaking of health resources today we will discuss parentingmontana.org. A digital resource hub for Montana families parentingmontana.org has tools to address everyday parenting challenges using a 5 step process that grows the skills our children need to be successful our guests to talk about the incredible resource of parentingmontana.org are the experts doctor. Harry Finley and Barbara Hopkins who played a significant role in developing the tools and resources you will find on the website. So grateful to have Kari Finley and Barb Hopkin here with parentingmontana.org. I'm going to let them introduce themselves and then we'll hop right in to hearing more about the impact that parentingmontana.org has and the role model it is across the nation Kari let's start with you tell me a little bit about yourself your role with or connection to parenting Montana. Kari Finley: My name is Doctor Kari Finley and I am a research scholar and the director of the Center for health and safety culture at Montana State University I've been involved with parentingmontana.org really since the project began and I I was one of the original developers of some of those tools and resources that are available. On the website. OK. I'm I'm a licensed clinical social worker in addition to being a researcher and then I'm also a parent and so I've used this website many times in my own parenting. Mackenzie Jones: Barb tells out yourself near connection to parenting Montana. Barb Hopkin: So I am a sponsored research support professional for the Center for health and safety culture my background is in education and in mental health I've worked with kids and families as a teacher as a licensed. Hustler. And I work in schools as a counselor as well so the center is supported work on the tools and resources provided for parentingmontana.org and like Kari I've also used the website in my own parenting with my 2 daughters so it. Mackenzie Jones: Sounds like you both have a lot of experience not just creating the tools but using the tools. Can you describe to our listeners what does parentingmontana.org have to offer parents I Kari Finley: I'd love to answer that parentingmontana.org really offers tools and resources for parents and really anyone who has a role in supporting kids? The resources that are on parenting Montana dot. Org are created for parents and caregivers who are caring for infants all the way through the teen years and on the website parents can click the age of their child so if they're working if they have a child that's 7 or 15 or 2 they can click on age of their child. And then find a wide range. Of tools to explore. And the tools include really everyday issues that we face as parents and caregivers of our kids the tools and resources that are on the website were created to meet the needs of Montana parents and and to do that we asked Montana parents we asked them what they needed. And they gave us a lot of feedback about topics that they wanted to see on the website issues that they were you know addressing with their kids. So for example the tools that are on that parentingmontana.org that relate to technology use really came directly from parents in Montana you know we're all as parents and caregivers I think trying to figure out how to navigate this world full of screens and technology and so that was an example of where parents. We're like hey this is a this is a thing that we're doing that we need some support. Yes other examples of tools are things like you know building resilience how do we help our kids to build resilience chores we all are you know working on chores and helping our kids to develop those habits peer pressure how do we address and and work with our kids to address peer pressure or. Establishing rules for you know alcohol use or substance use with our teens so a lot of different tools and resources and I think. One of the coolest things about parenting Montana. Dot org is that. Everything is based on a 5 step process so as parents and caregivers like once you learn that process. No matter what's going on with your child no matter what issue you're working on or or what challenger you're working on with your kid it becomes this way of working together through those challenges or struggles. I think that's one of the the unique pieces about parentingmontana.org. That is this process that can help me or you know me communicate with my son and really build that relationship. Barb what would you add. Barb Hopkin: I just think there's so much to offer on the website and in addition to all of the tools or some of the tools that Kari was mentioning there's also a section called I want to know more. And that's really just some parents stop and think wait a second there's something more additional information I need here and it covers topics such as really intentional ways to grow that healthy parenting relationship how do intentionally communicate with their kids there's resources around infant crying. Preparing for a child in foster care there's also resources around mental health so there are just so many topics to explore for parents that I feel like spending time on the website really does have tools and resources for everyone. Mackenzie Jones: That's an incredible I'm not a parent but I have many friends that are and I've heard over and over there's no rulebook or there's no guidebook on parenting but it sounds like parentingmontana.org gets to that point like provides the resources that parents are looking for that haven't had access to before. Except trial and error talking to friends have you heard that from folks that that this is the guidebook that they've been looking for. Kari Finley: Yeah I think we have heard that especially in that they can use the process and adapt it right they can adapt it to their own family needs to their values to the things that they're working on with their kids it's not a script by any means but more of like this this process that you can. Use when you're dealing with any kind of issue and I think parents have found that to be really valuable that they have this this tool uh you know this process that they can use and apply and adapt and make it flexible to meet their own needs as a family. Barb Hopkins: And I think parents also find it really useful when things do feel tough or there is a struggle it's something to. Fall back on to reference to practice it just gives a framework to work on those things that are really challenging and hard to know where to start sometimes if you have a process to follow and some tools to guide you it makes those topics a lot more accessible to have these important conversations as family than with kids. Mackenzie Jones: So you've mentioned the tools and resources in the process. Within parentingmontana.org what collaborators participated in the development of these resources who was a part of that team. Kari Finley: Oh my gosh. When I when I think about parentingmontana.org it has just I think? Been a labor of love for experts and researchers and partners in the field of child development and parenting and has really grown over the years really relying on experts and researchers and and those partners to create these tools and resources that. Have this evidence based that are vetted for by parents that that they've you know used these tools and resources the Montana Department of Public Health and Human services partnered with us at the Center for health and safety culture at MSU could create the website but this has been such a collaborative effort? To promote you know the healthy emotional and mental and behavioral growth of Montana 's children. I think the website is meant to help parents like actively grow their child's skills skills like. Self-awareness and self management and relationships. And it has just been a collaboration of so many different partners coming together for this effort Barb Hopkin: There have been so many people that have really put their heart into this that have the best interest of kids and families and parents and it's really amazing to see how all of those different experts come together to. Bring the tools and resources. Mackenzie Jones: So it sounds like Montana has this incredible resource. For the parents there and of course people across the nation can use parentingmontana.org it's it's available to anyone who goes to the website are there parenting.org websites in other States and if so has Montana been a role model in helping to to develop those other websites. Barb Hopkin: Yes so parenting Montana has been used as a model for other communities. Which is really awesome because the platform stays the same but we were really able to tailor the content and what that specific community and those specific parents felt would be most useful to them so it really is a model that we can build with other states or other communities? Who might be interested in bringing? Something similar to their own communities with the flexibility to really make it specific to their needs. Mackenzie Jones: That's great I feel like I'm going to just go home and share this with all of my friends that have kids of all ages. And even as someone who might have kids in the future I'm curious about what this 5 step parenting process. Looks like can you go into more depth about what that 5 step process is and how parents can use it. Kari Finley: Really when I think about the parenting process the 5 step process it's really if you think about it as a way of interacting with your child so it's it's not a script it's not like you have to follow it step by step all the time but it's just way of approaching any of those issues that you're. That you're working on with your child it's a way of interacting and so when we think of the 5 steps the first one is to get input. Then to teach. Practice. Support. And then recognize. And those are the 5 steps that you can apply to. Any issue? Regardless of the age of your child and so one parents or caregivers grandparents others who are interacting with children kind of get used to those steps it really becomes this natural way of interacting. And those steps are flexible like I said and so you know parents don't have to like follow them like a script but just more like as a a way of interacting or a way of guiding them through a conversation or a topic or an issue with their kids and I think through this process deals that we're trying to build as parents are things like confidence. And resilience and helping them to learn to make healthy choices and this parenting process really does support them in growing those skills in their child. So that their child better able you know to manage emotions or make those better decisions and choices that they have for their kids. Mackenzie Jones: If I wanted to get started today using parentingmontana.org and the 5 step parenting process? What does that look like if I were to open up the website and say I had a 12 year old child or a middle schooler that was having some challenges with routine? What what's that process look like? Kari Finley: First of all just getting on parentingmontana.org and I think parents sometimes find it helpful they can start with those I want to know more resources that that Barb was talking about things like intentional communication or building that healthy parent child relationship or we also have a getting started tab on the website. And that's like a really great place for parents and caregivers to begin because that like shares with them the process and helps them to get started. And then there are options to read the tool to listen to it or to watch content where parents can you know take a screenshot or they can print it or they could have access to all of these resources on the go by listening to them so I think that getting started tab is a really great place. To to get going and then in addition to the tools and things like that there's also like summaries so it's like the quick easy version of the tool so a parent doesn't have to have the whole tool in front of them but maybe they just want a summary of it to print or put somewhere so. That they can get an easy reminder about those steps or the process that they want to use and then as parents get more comfortable I think in the process then they they don't need to rely so much on you know making sure they have the exact tool but really just leaning into hey I have this process that I can. That I can use. Barb Hopkin: And I think a lot of times after parents. It's. Go through the getting started and some of the I want to know more pieces then they'll dive into the tools which are arranged by age so you brought up a 12 year old they can go to the 12 year old cab and then all of the tools for 12 year olds come up to explore what might be a comfortable place for them to. Start implementing the process with the tool. Ohh I've always appreciated the way that the website is organized after you've come from none of your and look at the I want to know more and getting started then you can really sort by age what are some topics that might be most helpful Kari Finley: and I know mackenzie you asked you know what does this look like for parents for routine and and I don't know. Maybe it would be fun. I know both Barb and I both have children and so. So it it sounds interesting we could walk through just what what that process looks like for an issue like routines I have a 12 year old and and Barb has an 8 and a 10 year old so different ages and so it might be kind of fun to see about or talk through an issue like routines. And what does that process look like for for those different ages. Mackenzie Jones: Let's let's do it I would I would love to hear the the differences between the 2 ages and the approach you and Barb take as different parents. Barb Hopkin: Yeah I would love to talk about that too and I've definitely seen the way that my own girls have grown their independence and their confidence through practicing and using this process and really having it just become a way of how we interact so I think it would be a great idea to talk to one of these tool the routines tool specifically. Kari Finley: I think for teams is such a big issue for parents and caregivers of all ages of children so it's kind of fun to take a really common issue like this. And walk through it so. Barb let's start like what when you think about routines and your girls ages 8 and 10 talk through what what does that look like for that first step of input. Barb Hopkins: Routines are definitely a big topic at our house it feels like we really try to be consistent but then there's a shift and new activity comes on board or if vacation time or it's back to school time there's always a chance to readjust and reset a routine but I think about how the tool was most is most helpful with routines. Good morning. Were especially challenging for my 8 year old she would just lose focus on getting ready and she'd play with her dog or start drying and just enjoy the morning which led to us being late and started the day with just stress and frustration for everyone involved so that was a great opportunity for us to use the routine tool? And step one. In the parenting process and in the tools is to gain input. So they gain input with my 8 year old I just asked her what would be helpful for her to get ready on time without feeling like I was nagging or rushing her or she was stressed I asked her specifically what are the things that need done for you to be ready for school I asked her what are some of the things you enjoy doing in the morning that you wish you had time for. And then I just after what can be hard about getting ready on time so I asked her a lot of open-ended questions to start a conversation and get her idea. And as we caught she had ideas like ohh I'd really like to have a checklist that I got to check off as I got ready with all the things on it I need to get dressed I need to eat breakfast I need to have a fresh water bottle filled brush my teeth. All those morning. Things and then she suggested I think I just need more time could I get up a little earlier that's part of my struggle. And then she really kept coming back to I do want some time with my dog in the morning that's important to me so just hearing her out really led to a great conversation about what she would envision to be successful in the morning and when I really practice actively listening and took time to give her space. Hi. To share her ideas she was much more excited and she had buy in to start start this plan and work on this plan together we wanted to write the list she wanted to show it to her dad and sister. So I think that gaining input piece is huge and having kids feel heard really truly having them want to buy into whatever the plan might be in this case your teams and start the conversation off on a really great foot Kari Finley: yeah I definitely noticed that. With my 12 year old son too now that I've been engaged in this process this parenting process for years and what I noticed is that that get input that first step. Look absolutely my son has come to expect that like he knows that I I want his input and he loves to give it to me and and so I think that has created this this really respectful like I really do want to hear what he has to say about whatever issue we're talking about and I feel like that. As as he's grown and and gotten older that that's really helped in our relationship too just to like be an active listener and really trying to understand what he is trying to you know what he's wanting to tell me so that's the first step in. Process and then the second step is to teach and and teaching is such an important piece of this and teaching is really helping us to get those skills and build those skills in our children So what does that sound like Barb for you for for your 8 year old when you think about Peacht. Barb Hopkin: So teaching for me I really had to live when I started using the process of. It's not something you wanna rush you don't want to assume that your child knows exactly how you're envisioning things to go so it's really slowing down and modeling what I want to see is key so I really try to teach when we're not brush we're not tired so when it came to morning routines for my daughter. Uhm I sat with her while she made her list and supported her to add the things she needed to do. So I talked to her about things like hey let's think about the weather that will impact which clothes you pick without assuming that she knows that it's going to be snowing and she needs her extra layers if you wanted to pack her own lunch so I really slowed down to teach her what things are important in a healthy lunch. You need to have some. Protein and some fruit and veggies. So not assuming oh she can make her own lunch great I really slowed down and taught her and modeled for her watching me what it looks like to pack a healthy lunch so it's really about when you have the time. Slowing down talking through and modeling the steps of what you'd like to see how's that different with your 12 year old Kari. Kari Finley: I think it's really similar actually it's just I think now my son is ready to take on more responsibility so like I was just thinking about an example for myself and my sons for routine right now it's like basketball season and so getting ready for those basketball competitions on the weekends like what does that look like. How can my son be ready for that and and setting him up to do that well and you know make making sure he has his water bottle making sure that he's packed his basketball bag and that he has you know all the things that he needs for that basketball tournament and? So teaching and then allowing him to do that I think that that's really that teach step is making sure that he has those skills that he needs. To to do it well to do that process. And then the 3rd step is to practice and I think that really goes hand in hand with teach it's like giving the opportunity for our kids to practice and not do it perfectly and and to coach along the way what does that look like. Barb Hopkin: So for our morning routine we made sure to practice on a Saturday we didn't have anywhere to be we weren't in a hurry we weren't tired I had her go through all of the steps as if it were a school day but without the pressure in my mind of knowing we needed to be out. The door so. To practice making your lunch even though she didn't need one that day and she could just have it later or. Whenever and while we were practicing it was great that we were doing this on a Saturday because we realized that was her pace and the way she likes to go about the morning she really did need a solid extra 10 minutes to go through that routine so we could plan for that when it really counted on a school day and we were able to have the conversation. Because she really does want some time with her dog that extra 10 minutes is important and I was also around in that practice morning to offer some gentle reminders while she practiced that Kari saying to just kind of coach her through if she got sidetracked but the practice piece when the stakes aren't high really allows that confidence to grow. And for adjustments to be made when needed yeah. Kari Finley: So I think it's like. You know get input and then teach and then practice and then that 4th step in this process is to support them and and let them do that work and so when you think about support Barb what is what does that look like. Barb Hopkin: Support for my daughter in the morning looks like me checking in and asking her how she feels about her routine the night before like do you feel ready do. You have your list. Are your clothes out I asked her to show me that she was ready to use her list so she got it out and set it next to her clothes and was? Excited about it. And that warning supporting looked like really noticing what she was doing well so I said to her I noticed that you remember to add fruit to your lunch that's awesome. Thanks for doing that and then when she did get distracted and started playing with her dog that support looks like a gentle reminder like ohh remember your next step or what's the next step on. The list and then also when we got through the morning and we were driving to school we had some reflection time together to ask her like how do you feel like that when so the support stuff is just. Being there is needed for the bumps along the way especially in the beginning when they're starting that new routine Kari Finley: yeah and I think supporting for my 12 year old well it looks very similar it starts to look a little different too and that it's like finding that balance between noticing and gently remind. Team while still giving my son the space to work through it on his own and and to make mistakes when they when they come along you know and so it's like finding that balance of supporting but also as he's getting older to take on the that responsibility to make it happen. And then to support him along the way so I I really feel like you know for my son when we think about basketball competitions it was really about he doesn't like to get up early and. So instead like what are the things he could do to do you know pack his bag the night before and get himself ready so that that morning wasn't so stressful for him. And then I think the final step in the parenting process is to recognize and it's always fun for me I think as a parent to recognize the effort that I see my son making and the progress that I see him making. Regardless of whatever issue that we're working on. Barb Hopkin: Yeah and I think in in recognizing as we're talking through our routines example it's really about watching for what. He was trying really hard to do well and let her know that I saw very specifically so I noticed that you have your clothes laid out for tomorrow tomorrow morning already way to be responsible I see you going through your checklist and marking off your steps thanks so much for helping this morning go smoothly so. It's really looking for chances to recognize what they're doing so there's this shift for a lot of parents. In noticing the things that are going well rather than noticing the things that are going wrong and that's really a powerful thing with kids and it leads to other fun things like because we're in the car on time and no one 's reached your stress we had time to listen to an extra song together before I dropped her off so there's also some natural. Pieces within recognizing that are built in with more time for fun. So I think recognizing is just a really powerful motivator and also shift our own thinking about our kids we're focusing on the positive Kari Finley: yeah when I think about recognition. For my 12 year old it's like you said just as important today I think as it was when. He was little. Because it leads to that like the confidence and I see that. Grow and then it's me as a parent I think specifically recognizing that and recognizing that effort it's like the high 5 on the weight of the game or the comments that you know it's nice to not feel so rushed on our way or it's. Just so small. Little times of recognition that I that I seek out. And I think really makes a difference in our relationship that I'm really focused on what he's doing well and and not the not the parent that's like why didn't this happen why didn't that happen what could have that you know and and not focusing so much on on what's going wrong. Barb Hopkins: Now I think it's so true when when kids feel proud of what they're doing it grows that lasting motivation that really becomes intrinsic and then they want to keep. Keep doing things that help their day go more smoothly and help their relationship so thing is a great way to connect and build on the relationship that's at the foundation of all we do is parents. Mackenzie Jones: That was an incredible overview of how to use the 5 step parenting process both of you gave. Detailed examples of how you use it in your life. With your kids. And how it leads to positive experiences for the kiddos and building their relationship between you and the kid I'm encouraged to know that resources like this exist to support parents and I just want to emphasize those 5 steps So what I gained from it. Is to ask your child for input around the topic find teachable moments let them practice? Support using gentle reminders and recognize what went well. Kari Finley: Yes I think that is like the best synopsis of just. The parenting process you got it. Mackenzie Jones: Awesome and I I feel like I can even use that in my own life with friends or my parents or my partner so it feels transferable and I I love that it's a positive approach to making small changes that lead to more fun and more time for for fun. Enjoy in those relationships. Barb Hopkin: It's interesting that you say that I have had parents tell me that once they got used to using the process. They found themselves gaining input from coworkers and their partners and going through the thefts in other areas of their lives. Mackenzie Jones: That's cool that's how I that's how I see that I could use it now in my life so thank you for sharing and being vulnerable and sharing your experience with your kiddos so I am curious. How can parentingmontana.org support or even improve the health of parents and children I know on on the website you talk about and I want to know more sections about mental health and risky behavior and trauma? How can this website and the 5 step process support improving health? Kari Finley: There are so many people who are part of kids 's lives that could benefit from accessing these resources whether that parents or grandparents or relatives or daycare providers coaches teachers it's just really is transferable. Any anyone who? Is is working or you know supporting kids anyone who spends time with kids and teens? We know that parenting and caregiving it's not easy and that we all face these daily challenges with our kids and and we all want to do our best too so I think it's really guarantee montana.org is for anyone who is interested in proving their relationships with the. Child and and growing those skills and so I think the website helped in a number of different ways and and you mentioned like you know how does it improve the health there are I think it improves the parent child relationship but there are also specific tools and resources on parentingmontana.org. That really it can be used as a starting point for really challenging conversations so things like mental health and trauma and risky behaviors that our kids are going to experience and so there are. There are tools and resources that are on the website that really do focus specifically on those risky behaviors and those mental health issues that we might be addressing as parents and caregivers so I feel like it's the the website definitely has those resources as well. Mackenzie Jones: In in those segments that talk about mental health risky behavior and supporting your child through trauma do parents. Is it encouraged that that 5 step process is used? Through those topics or is there a different process that's talked about on the website throughout those sections. Barb Hopkin: So I would say there's a variety to help work through if a child is having anxiety and then you would use the process but there's also in the I want to know more and even in the podcast different topics that are explored for example how does alcohol affect. The growing teenage brain and it's the facts and it still opens though these great conversations with. OK so I feel like well the I want to know more pieces that often cover some of these topics. Don't necessarily follow the sites that process in that format you still end up gaining input and having these amazing conversations and teaching some facts that help kids make informed decisions and supporting them and all of. Those things so while the I want to know more pieces don't follow the 5 step process. This and that the defic order. The way of communicating with your child that come. Through on the. Website is incorporated everywhere Kari Finley: yeah and I would add like those I want to know more resources that are on the website really help I think. Build the parents knowledge so that they can feel really. Informed and can have those conversations easing that process so it's like giving them a little bit of background like what does alcohol do with the teenage brain or what does trauma look like and how do we support our kids in that and it gives just that like background for parents then to enter into the conversation with their kids. About these risky behaviors or these risky issues or mental health or trauma or other important challenges that parents face. Mackenzie Jones: Thank you for describing the differences there and. How those sections can support conversations with or between the parents and the kid I didn't notice that you have a podcast on your website and what topics do you cover there and how can listeners access that media resource the podcast is under the media tab on? Barb Hopkin: The website and there are several different podcasts and one of those is introducing the tools for your child 's success podcast so that's just an overview of introducing the tools and and what it's about there's a podcast on guidance and discipline for skill. Thing which is definitely a topic parents are interested in a lot intentional ways to grow a healthy parenting relationship. That relationship is so foundational to everything we do with kids and the parenting process for success is kind of going through those steps like Kari and I did today there is a podcast on social and emotional development there's one on communication and then there's also one about having conversations about alcohol and drug use so there's a variety and they're. All under the media tab. Kari Finley: I also think that one of the unique things about the podcast is there are experts that are talking about these issues people who have been that are very versed in child development who you know are experts in communication and so really just listening to the podcast and it can be fun. On your drive as a parent or you know to work or home from work where you're just getting some information from people in the field who are working on these topics and so I feel like it's a it's a great way to cover some of the interest that parent. Should have in a different way? Mackenzie Jones: And can you access these podcasts on podcast platforms or apps. Kari Finley: Yes any of the podcast platforms that people listen to. Mackenzie Jones: So thank you so for our listeners after you finish this podcast today hop over to parenting Montana and listen to a topic that interests you. So Kari and Barb you described working with your kid around using the 5 step process around the topic of routines. And. That example of those examples went smoothly based on your explanation does the 5 step process always go smoothly and what happens when parents are kids are having a really rough day. Kari Finley: Such a good point mackenzie because no there are definitely bumps in the road and it doesn't always go smoothly and even though I've been using the process for years like it is it is I really view it as just that it's the process that can be altered or or. Shifted based on the conversation and how it's going it reminds me that. When things aren't going smoothly or like this isn't going the way that I had hoped it would with my son like? I can take a break and I can if I'm frustrated or angry or you know stressed I can just say wait like I gotta slow down here for a minute I gotta take a break and and calm down before we come back to this conversation. And when we're working on struggles our emotions can run a little hot and so it's it's OK as parents it's OK it doesn't go exactly the way we intend it to in our head and we can take a break and we don't have to do it right then we can take that time and calm down and then come back. And and work through that you know come back and get more input come back. Teach or reteach not in the rush to get out the door or not in the in the heat of the moment when I'm upset or frustrated but I can come back at any time so absolutely it doesn't it doesn't go perfectly every time but I I think that does the process is flexible and that I can come back. And reconnect at anytime we're trying to grow skills in Barb Hopkin: our kids to build their confidence and we can come back and do that at any time. And I think parents need to know that there's such flexibility and moving back and forth between the set they're not always linear they don't need to always go in order so that kind of takes some of the pressure off too and knowing that oh I need to gain a little more input here or I need to reteach this and I think what Kari was talking about of taking those breaks. As a parent when emotions are running high. Is? So important in order for learning to happen but also such incredible modeling for our kids that yes we all have emotions and they get big sometimes and it's OK. To step away. And use some coping skills and so I think when things go not as planned it's actually sometimes the biggest opportunity for learning. Especially when everyone is able to. So come down and come back to the conversation at an appropriate time even if it's an hour later or even if it's the next day depending on what's going on talking about it when everyone is in a good place to do so makes it much more apt to be a learning experience. Mackenzie Jones: I can imagine that takes off some of that stress of I have to follow this exactly and and some people might feel like. Themselves or their kid doesn't follow a linear path and so doing what you need to do as a parent to take time for yourself or give the the kiddo some time. Before reapproaching and trying again reminding ourselves to be gentle and. To do what feels right in the moment. So what if a. New challenge comes up that isn't directly addressed by parentingmontana.org at this time how can parents seek additional resources or adapt resources to help answer those new challenges. Kari Finley: Yeah I love that that's a great question because when you get on to parakeetmontana.org and you look at you know your 8 year old or your 5 year old and you put their age and then you can see all of the different tools that are there you may be as a parent or a caregiver working on something that isn't there. And while there are lots of tools it's really coming back to that process. Because no matter what the issue that you're working on you have this skill as a parent to like address that issue with that process and so even if the exact issue isn't on the website you can take that process and use it and follow the same steps you know get input and then. What is it that you want to teach and ultimately have happened with your kid how can they practice that whatever your whatever it is that you're? 18 and and then how can you support them along the way and ultimately also recognize them and their effort in doing whatever it is that you're working on and so I really do think it comes back to this idea that it's about the process and regardless of the issue parents have that tool. They have that skill that they can rely on. Mackenzie Jones: By going through the website I wasn't quite sure if parentingmontana.org also has coaching resources and. But that process looks like if that is available to parents. Kari Finley: Parentingmontana.org website does not have coaching resources but when we. Talk about coaching we actually completed an evaluation of parentingmontana.org and that evaluation was led by doctor Caitlin Green and in that evaluation we used the coach actually Barb was that coach and she worked specifically with parents in those coaching sessions to use the tools and resources. On parentingmontana.org our goal in that was then to evaluate it and so we implemented this coaching process. With a group of parents and then we evaluated an interviewed those parents one year later so the coaching that element really came in through this evaluation that we wanted to better understand if the tools and resources on parentingmontana.org could be utilized by parents. Were being utilized by parents and then what kind of issues were they grappling with that then we could reflect and help them with in future tools and resources so that's where the coaching piece came in with evaluating parentingmontana.org? And what we found in that evaluation there was really interesting findings that we found things like parents were much more comfortable and confident in using the the parenting process over time so while it might feel a little unusual to start like after. Parents had used it a bit with their kids that they they grew in their own confidence and comfort in using that process. We also learned in interviewing parents a year later that. Many parents said that they continued to use it into the future so even when they weren't you know with a coach or understanding it and having that coaching experience that they used that process well into the future and that once they got familiar with it they started to use it almost as a process out of habit. They also reported. That. They continue to use at least parts of the process long after they first used parentingmontana.org so sometimes parents reported that they use just a few of the steps and other times parents used the entire process to communicate with their child about a particular issue so we did learn that there. With some flexibility and that parents were able to adapt it and use it in different ways when they were communicating. With their child we learn from parents that they really did feel like it helped in their communication and their relationship with their kids. The evaluation showed improvements in things like problem solving and emotion regulation. And conflict resolution and that those outcomes were sustained for parents. So that's where that coaching piece came from it was really an evaluation that we wanted to do of parentingmontana.org. Mackenzie Jones: Thank you for clarifying that even though coaching isn't available now what a wonderful way to measure the successes and challenges and. Talk to parents that are using it in real time about what issues they are focusing on and how they adapted it to make it work for them and that's public health I love that the the research that you did to make sure that the resources available are meeting the needs of parents and that the process and the website has. The resources so that parents feel like they can do this they have the resources they're available to them to try it and Barb I asked the coach during that evaluation I wonder what did you gain from that did you identify any specific challenges or successes you wanted to share today. Barb Hopkin: Yes I love the experience of getting to be with parents and to coach through the parenting process it. Was? It's a lot of fun to see their success and to work through the challenges and to see that it truly was making a difference in their families. And I think. Just some common challenges that came up. One of. The things that parents talked about is just figuring out the time cause everyone's busy in our world and so helping them to think through OK I know that I know the process I know the tool I'm gonna have the summary available to me whether printed or on my phone and I'm going to think of the most appropriate comp time that I can open up this conversation. And gain some input for some parents it was in the car on a drive for some parents they went for a walk together for some parents it was in the morning over breakfast so really kind of just jumping into that gaining input piece at an appropriate time. Was the first step into them saying the value and hearing the ideas that their child came up with and then as they worked through the teaching and the practicing and the supporting and the reinforcing they did find time for it as they saw that it was making a difference in their families and in their world so I think initially? That timing piece of figuring out on kind of nervous to start this is going to feel awkward was a little challenging and then once they jumped in and saw the benefit it became a priority for them it was also interesting in just hearing from parents topics that they want. Said that once they learned the process we could work through anything together because they knew the process as Kari was saying you can apply it to any topic technology use and setting boundaries with screens came up a lot and there's a tool for that as now friendships for younger kids came up and chores so it was really interesting to see what different parents. Wanted to work on what was going on for them and it also really helped me see. That the tools have so much value because there wasn't one that everybody wanted everybody had a unique experience and different tools fit them and what was going on at that time for them the most so it was a great experience and I'm very thankful that I got to work with parents in that way. Mackenzie Jones: Thank you Barb for sharing. Barb Hopkin: I did think of one other thing that I thought was. Really. Awesome about that experience so I watched parents become more confident. I really noticed that they started taking each day as a fresh start to try again right if they. How to mess up or didn't go well each day is a fresh start to try to process again and just reiterating that parents aren't perfect and that the way that we repair harm with our kid is such powerful modeling you you get to try again right so I thought that was a huge piece? That was highlighted for me through the coaching just that. None of us are perfect we can try again and when we repair with our children it's very powerful. Mackenzie Jones: That's really inspiring to know that parents felt more confident through the process by knowing that they could try again that they don't have to be perfect for this process to succeed thank you both of you sharing the perspectives that you had along with the parents that went through that evaluation so. My background and my work is with the Montana disability and health program so. Within public health I'm always thinking about how all the resources and the programs and the services that we're providing inclusive and accessible to people with disabilities and in this case. How does parentingmontana.org address the differences that kids with disabilities might have for example? Establishing healthy eating habits or even routines may look different for a kid with autism than a kid that's not a typical how is the parenting process still inclusive for kids with disabilities. Kari Finley: When I think about? Engaging with our kids even kids in the same household have unique differences and challenges and so I really think when parents focus on healthy communication and that teaching and modeling and giving their kids no matter where they're at that chance to practice and then supporting them you can really fit that. Into any any of your unique child needs and so it's you may have to adapt it slightly maybe it's slower maybe you have to take more time so I think it's really. Do you like being able to use the process as a process not a script and then adapting it to meet the needs of your own kids and no matter you know what their challenges or what they're working on it doesn't really allow for that to have parents bring in their own set of values? To bring in their own unique way of communicating it's just this process that can help and support that. Mackenzie Jones: This is my turn to say yes that's that's. I love hearing that I know when I approach disability and thinking about inclusion. It's not about the disability itself for the diagnosis it's about what support needs that person has whether it's a child or an adult you're looking at that unique that person 's unique support needs and how we're meeting those needs with the resources with parents or support staff or. Just. Extra time or changing language and so approaching this process in that way for any kid whether they have a disability or not you're working with kids and parents that have unique backgrounds and meet unique experiences that that type of. Adaption is necessary across the board so parents are busy what are some of the ways parents can access content in a way that works for their lifestyle and schedule. Barb Hopkin: So yeah working on the website over the years we really heard from parents of the Montana that they needed accessible content that was convenient to their busy life so many of the tools as well as the I want to know more recessed resources have audio options so parents can listen to those while they're going about their daily routines. There are also the summaries that we've mentioned of the tools available for a quicker view and reference and then also those videos to help parents get get started and understand the 5 step process or an additional way. To access as well as the podcast that we mentioned so we really try to. Give parents the flexibility to go as indepth or the lighter version as possible and listen or view or read in different formats. Mackenzie Jones: Thank you Barb for describing the different types of resources and platforms that are available so that. Parents needs are met when they want to access the information but they're on the road or they're at home or just in different circumstances. As I said earlier I'm also thinking about accessibility for parents with differing communication needs whether they need something in audio or they need. Did something in large font or accessible to a screen reader you were formats seem to address those needs? Barb Hopkin: We have definitely made adjustments updates and upgrades to the website over the years we just recently had another round so I think we're always looking for ways to make the website accessible to the most people. Mackenzie Jones: I think that's great as someone who is thinking about accessibility so I just want to say thank you for doing that and recognizing that often we talk about kids with disabilities but adults and parents also have disabilities and how we're meeting people where they are at so thank you is there other evidence you wanted to share or stories you wanted to share about how parenting Montana is or has been effective for parents. Barb Hopkin: One thing that we haven't talked about is there are resources on the website for school. And for different agencies that might want to engage parents with the. Tools and the resources on parenting montanas so in addition to the the parenting resources there's community resources that those in the community might want to access so they can share with the people caring for children in their lives about what's available to them on parenting Montana. Kari Finley: To add to that thinking about like healthcare providers they're a really trusted resource for parents and and so there's resources on there to support healthcare providers in getting the information to parents same thing with schools schools interact with parents and kids all the time every day and so. There are resources for schools. Mackenzie Jones: Thank you so much for sharing all that you have today. With your experience as a parent as a social worker mental health professional it's incredible to see the resources that have been developed in order to support parents of Montana and beyond what key takeaways or wrap up message do you want to share to the listeners. Barb Hopkin: Today I think just that parenting is not easy and we really truly all do our best and that parentingmontana.org is such a valuable resource in offering a process and tools to follow when facing challenges or when celebrating successes and this the ability to really intentionally. Communicate with our kids helps build that healthy relationship that that the foundation of all that we do with kids so I think the process really facilitates healthy relationships and healthy communication and helping our kids grow the problem solving skills they need for their whole life. Kari Finley: I think I would add that if parents and caregivers if we want to change the way that we're interacting with our children or grow those stronger healthier relationships we can start slow we just have to start we can start anywhere to interact in a different way to build those skills and to Start learning that process. And then before you know it like it's just another way of communicating it's the way that we approach our children or the way that we approach a situation through all of the parenting challenges and the you know life up and downs. Parents are so important in their child 's life and they just they truly do shape the way that children see themselves and that they see others in the world. I think paraviewmontana.org is a resource to help parents in that journey to raise healthy kids and to raise healthy kids in Montana. Mackenzie Jones: Thank you for listening to the talking health and the 406 podcast we're we are one community under the Big Sky I am your host Mackenzie Jones we'd like to thank our guests Doctor Kari Finley and Barbara Hopkin for so clearly teaching us about parentingmontana.org I can't wait to share this resource with my friends and family and start practicing the 5 step process. Myself if you would like more information on what you heard today visit our website at talking health and the406.mt.gov. If you haven't already Please remember to rate review and subscribe thank you and have a wonderful rest of your day?